The NBA Is Currently Wylin’ Out

In the past weeks, NBA players have seemingly gotten confused and thought they were UFC fighters. It was kicked off by two of the scariest men ever born getting into a shoving match. Known tough guy (and 2nd-degree karate black-belt) James Johnson of the Miami Heat and Serge Ibaka of the Toronto Raptors were battling for positioning when suddenly, they started throwin’ bows! It looked like a game of NBA Jam on a Tuesday night in the 6.

Then this week, rookie sensation Ben Simmons of the Philadelphia 76er’s and a different Toronto Raptor-this time- Star point guard Kyle Lowry, were testy all game before both getting into a yelling/middle-fingering/threatening pillow fight and getting ejected with 7 seconds left in the game. Lowry told Simmons to meet him in tunnel and when asked about it later, he responded with: “Put it this way: I was back there.”

Or how about the scuffle between the Houston Rockets and Los Angeles Clippers? The game itself was madness with Blake Griffin and Mike D’Antoni exchanging expletives. Then post-game, oh boy, get ready for this one…  ALLEGEDLY, Chris Paul led Trevor Ariza, James Harden, and Gerald Green (who has only been with Houston for mere days) down a secret hallway to his former team’s locker room back-door. All this happened while Clint Capela banged on the door as a distraction. Supposedly, the 4 secret-agents were trying to fight Austin Rivers; who not only didn’t play in the game due to injury, but is also the head coach’s son!

Now supposedly, a lot of this story is made up, exaggerated, etc. but in my humble opinion, I think that could just be image-shifting from both organizations and the league to save-face. My entire being hopes these stories are true.

The final fight of the week came from a matchup between the Orlando Magic and the Minnesota Timberwolves. Veteran 2-guard Arron Afflalo had enough of 6-foot-10 Serbian giant Nemanja Bjelica man-handling him. In response, the Compton native decided to throw a massive haymaker right at Bjelica’s jaw. Afflalo whiffed and was quickly headlocked. I just couldn’t believe that Kendrick Lamar was at one time jealous of this fella. Never meet your heroes, I guess. All being said, these NBA fights are insane. I relate them to car crashes. They’re scary, dangerous, and overall bad… but holy cow are they exciting.